Alone but not lonely

Does it happens to you guys too? Times when are you completely alone.. and you should feel lonely but you actualy don't? Today I had a chance to see the opposite of this. I met with my friends, I had fun, I was laughing and smiling, however I was lonely. I feel this need to talk with somebody about things which are pissing me off. I want to talk with somebody and say "I feel fucking lonely, bad and nothing makes me really happy". Maybe I am retarded or something but I am not able to talk with anyone. I could really use a friend right now.. There was a moment when I thought! I started writing blog 2 days ago, so maybe it could help me? Where it brought me? I am here, I am writing.. STILL LONELY. I don't want anyone to think that I'm like a stiupid teenager.. I'm not.. these teenagers are sad, lonely, broken and they are talking about this with their friends, family, parents, pets.. well.. I am not capable to talk about it even with my cat.. I feel scared that no one wants to listen to me.

damn, writing this here should help. it didn't.

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